I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
