it was like his penis was on wheels.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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