trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
