I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
