I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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