i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
