Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
