this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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