dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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