As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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