It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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