Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize