not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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