Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
