Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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