The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just invented taco cereal.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
