GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
