my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
