Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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