i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
