my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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