I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
