you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
