I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
