please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
