I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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