"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
