I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think my fart just growled at me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
