nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
