She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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