..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He felt like a one man threesome
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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