Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
