conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
