Barsexuality is the new black.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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