its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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