I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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