for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
