Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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