The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
