I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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