Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
