I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
