I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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