She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
