is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
