i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
