We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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