I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
