I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
