I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
