It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
