We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
