My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
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after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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