I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
