Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
