Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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