I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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