five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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