wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
