at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
