someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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