We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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