I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i think i just lost a toe
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize