Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
