she woke up with a sticky ear
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
