You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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