I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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