Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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