Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
