I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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