Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
