i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
