At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize