I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
